that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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