I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
