He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
