So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
