And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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