before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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