ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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