Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
