the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
