i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
