This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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