so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
