i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize