Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
