I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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