just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
