i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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