Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
