she kept yelling 'call me bella'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
