a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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