He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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