I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
