it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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