My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
