soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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