i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
