broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
