the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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