I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
