just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize