I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize