I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
