Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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