So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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