i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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