I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
