I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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