I cockslap morals
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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