I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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