I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
