why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
