Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
