Jerry, you need to find god
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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