I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
