Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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