I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
