This girl is more easily done than said...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
