3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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