I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
