I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
