We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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