Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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