Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
