I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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