You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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