WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have feelings that need drinking.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
