I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
