I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
