Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
